So I lied on accident

I know I said this wasn't a weight-loss blog, but weight is part of my life, obviously, and I think about it constantly and I do control this little part of the web, so I should be able to write about whatever I want, especially since I hardly talk about this stuff in real life, right? Right. Whew.

I just got back from the gym, and after completing Week 2 Day 1 of Couch to 5K, I weighed myself. And that number scared the crap out of me. The rational part of me did think of reasons: It's the end of the day and shortly after dinner, I havn't worked out in 1.5 weeks, I'm on you know blah. But that can only account for so much and I've basically gained 5+ lbs. in about 2 weeks. It makes sense, it really does. I've been under a lot of stress, like a lot a lot of stress, I have barely worked out, and I eat so much crap. Confession.

I'm done making excuses and feeling sorry for myself. This time is truly different, it has to be.

But the thing that really is bothering me is knowing I just wasted the last year, completely. That number on the scale tonight was the number I started Weight Watchers at a year ago, almost to the day. AND THAT SUCKS!  (So when I said I'd gain back almost all the weight, I was apparently wrong. My bad.) I stopped WW in August and have since gained back the entire 15 lbs. I lost. Wow, that's disappointing. :( But it can't make me sad (I have had too much making me sad lately) so it needs to make me motivated.

Motivated enough to reach two MAJOR goals. And soon.
The first is to finish the 2010 All-Star Game Charity 5K and Fun Run on July 11. I mean it's about baseball and it's close, c'mon now there is no better first 5K for me to do. Except its 7 weeks away and I would barely be finishing Couchto5K and I've never ran 3.2 miles straight in my life, and it sounds like it's competitive, and what if no one walks, and what if i have to stop and what if I finish last? Yeah, that's a lot of 'what ifs'. And that's what I'm afraid of but I think I'm going to try. To get the cheapest registration cost, I'd have to sign up by this weekend. We'll see how that goes. I'm also not telling anybody that I'm trying to do it. Partially because I'm embarrassed I'll fail and partially because I think they'll discourage me from trying. So I probably will not say anything until the week before, or maybe the day of--Which happens to be 15 days before my 21st Birthday.

And that's the second goal, that was also the same goal I  had for my birthday last year. I want to weight 185. It's possible but it is really going to take a lot of hard work and even more discipline. But I really think it will make a huge difference. I'll look better (hopefully) and I'll definitely feel better. I can do this. I haven't worked as hard as I can for something in a really long time. I want to prove to myself that I can. I have a list of things that I want to accomplish this year, and this is where I start.

Like the new digs?

Pre p.s. it is super weird to post again. It's been so long.

My goal is to change it up this summer, well blog wise. Because in real life, my goal is to just be me. Dorky, chubby, crazy, sensitive, nerdy B. Still working on all that, but I'm ok with where I'm out right now.

I guess this really can't be considered a weight loss blog anymore because that actually requires losing weight, something I havn't done at all. I gained back almost all the weight I lost last summer on WW but that wasn't very much to begin with and i'm still not anywhere close my all-time high. I do wanna lose weight this summer, but I want to do at my own pace. Working out the way I want, when I want. Eating the same way, just proportionally. No real big plans this summer..just a bunch of couchto5K, and zumba dvds, and stretching classes, and basketball, and anything else I feel like doing.

Life has been crazy as of late, something I'll probably go into further detail later, maybe. For right now I just wanted to rip the bandaid off and write the first "i'm back" post.

Peace and love, y'all!

P.S. I don't want to erase my posts from last summer, but I don't want them there either. Anyway just to make them show up in the archive?

P.P.S. Even though I blog once this whole year, I totally stepped up my google reader game. Got that mess going and I love it. I love reading the blogs I do, and starting to comment them, and following them on twitter, and replying when I'm brave. (oh, beeteedubs, very cute writer on internship site that I tweeted at, TWEETED BACK! so excited.

Not Starting Over

It felt good to work out again. Still 191.
Which is kinda remarkable considering I have not worked out at all, except maybe twice, in the last month and half-ish. I guess that is what happens when you're too busy to eat of sleep.

I know I've been m.i.a. but I'm working on the comeback. Both in the blogworld and on the scale.

I'm re-evaluating my goals, and it's all about baby steps this time (with the big picture, aka Summer 2010 still in mind). More to come soon.

And I havn't forgotten about you blogfriend! You're kicking ass, taking names and looking great! I'm so proud and inspired by you.

starting over again.

Guessing game

guess who can't stop eating horribly?
guess who won't go workout?
guess who feels like crap and knows she is gonna feel worse at weigh in in TWO days?
Just guess effin who....


sidenote: I want a boy :/ (cuz guess who's going to be the 5th wheel on Wednesday?)

I can't feel my legs..

oh wait, yes I can. They hurt.

but I'm up a lb.

Who wears short shorts?!?

Disclaimer: I'm apologizing in advance for the extremely shallow and boy crazy post to follow. But c'mon, I'm 20 and single and boys are fun to look at. I'm allowed my days, right? :]

This post is dedicated to David, my favorite personal trainer/front desk person at my gym. David probably isn't the hottest gym employee, he is only about 5'8. Don't get me wrong though, he has an adorable face, big arms, a great chest, and a good butt (what? i'm observant!) But David is my favorite because he is definitely the nicest. Unlike some of the other hot trainers who give me the worst fake smile (or no smile) when I walk in and make me feel like i'm just wasting air, David is polite, gives a genuine cute smile, and makes a little joke when I run into him. Granted, he's probably just really good at his job, I'm appreciative of how much more comfortable I am when he is working compared to some of the others. I even complimented him on his haircut this week. (That's actually really good for me. & yes, I know that is sad) The rest of this post has been written in my head for the past few days but is only now reaching the screen because I wanted to talk about him. So Thank you David.

First things first, well second, I suppose, I was exactly the same weight at weigh in last Thursday. I think my leader thought it was weird how excited I was, but she didn't know about ALL the cake. No gain after all that sugar is good with me! As far as this week goes, I'm struggling a bit but one lb. would get me to -15 and in the 180's, so here's hoping!(and tracking and sweating).

Last friday my friend was having his birthday at the beach. My two best friends really wanted to go, so I obliged. I was told a few days prior to please not wear basketball shorts. Which meant to me: bathing suit + real shorts= SCARY! So after some time spent in the dressing room and a last minute trip to Target the morning of, I actually bought a pair of white semi-fashion shorts with the approval/ support of my friends. The amazing part? They were size 13!

Of course I was nervous to wear them but excited at the same time. Until I got home to put them on for real and realized TOM had arrived :/ No Bueno. I was so pissed. (Even funnier: one of the girls, who had another beach party and wedding to go to that weekend, started as well only minutes later. We were not happy campers)

I ended up wearing the only other pair of non-basketball shorts I own, these ugly size 16 stretched out pair I have owned for about 4 years. After what seemed like the longest drive ever, we finally made it to the beach to realize we were the only girls there. It actually turned out really well and we all had a good time.

We casually knew most of the boys there and really got to know them by the end of the day thanks to some games of football, catch, and random other competitions. Interesting fact about these guys: a lot of them had incredible bodies! (and one of them has lived on my same street for pretty much our whole lives) But the thing I appreciated most was that despite all their muscles, they were not cocky or intimidating at all. It was rather refreshing.

Sorry for this long, anti-climatic post but I just felt like sharing. Oh and I 'm wearing those shorts very very soon! Weigh-in manana (and seeing those boys again)! wish me luck!

Grace and Peace, y'all.

Birthday recap

I really need to be more dedicated to this blog. One of the reasons why I started this was for the opportunity to write more. With school only about a month away, I really need to start writing or I'm going to feel like the dumbest person in the office.

That being said, this is going to be a void of all structure post. Hence, it's probably just going to be a list to catch myself up!

At weigh-in last week, I lost 2.4 lbs! The first thing I said was "I was so close" and the sweet old lady receptionist just shook her head and said "yup". EFF! I needed .4 more lbs to reach 190 and my 15 lbs mark. Damn, I wanted that sticker for my birthday but I was pleased with how I had done.

So it would seem as though I will hit it forsure at this week's weigh-in..umm, WRONG! Damn all that cake/cupcakes!

I'm kinda knows as little miss baker! It's a love that got passed down from my father ( when I turned 14, I got a 14 layer cake. yeah, it runs deep) but since early high school, I have always been the girl to make cupcakes for every birthday or any special occasion. Apparently, my friends/family decided to return the gesture this year.

After making 72 cupcakes myself on Thursday (for my bball team and the boys I watch play every week), my 2 bests made me a bunch of cupcakes on Friday. By Sunday (my actual birthday) some of those cupcakes were still laying around when my niece made her first cake ever, for me. I really appreciated it, but luckily I didn't eat very much of it because I shared it with everyone else at Bible Study. Also at Bible Study, I was given this...

and it was SOOOOO GOOOOD!!! Isn't it adorable?

Overall, my birthay looked like this...
Cake!+ lots of non WW food+ lots of basketball+ good friends+ chill times+ no exercise= good 20th.

I actually forgot it was birthday for most of the day, but that is kinda the way I wanted it this year.

This is a horrible post, sorry about that. I said I would include progress pics but I think I'll just make a whole other post for that. Wish me luck at Weigh in. I'm expecting a gain but I'm mentally prepared for it this time.

Grace and Peace y'all!