Wednesday, May 19, 2010

So I lied on accident

I know I said this wasn't a weight-loss blog, but weight is part of my life, obviously, and I think about it constantly and I do control this little part of the web, so I should be able to write about whatever I want, especially since I hardly talk about this stuff in real life, right? Right. Whew.

I just got back from the gym, and after completing Week 2 Day 1 of Couch to 5K, I weighed myself. And that number scared the crap out of me. The rational part of me did think of reasons: It's the end of the day and shortly after dinner, I havn't worked out in 1.5 weeks, I'm on you know blah. But that can only account for so much and I've basically gained 5+ lbs. in about 2 weeks. It makes sense, it really does. I've been under a lot of stress, like a lot a lot of stress, I have barely worked out, and I eat so much crap. Confession.

I'm done making excuses and feeling sorry for myself. This time is truly different, it has to be.

But the thing that really is bothering me is knowing I just wasted the last year, completely. That number on the scale tonight was the number I started Weight Watchers at a year ago, almost to the day. AND THAT SUCKS!  (So when I said I'd gain back almost all the weight, I was apparently wrong. My bad.) I stopped WW in August and have since gained back the entire 15 lbs. I lost. Wow, that's disappointing. :( But it can't make me sad (I have had too much making me sad lately) so it needs to make me motivated.

Motivated enough to reach two MAJOR goals. And soon.
The first is to finish the 2010 All-Star Game Charity 5K and Fun Run on July 11. I mean it's about baseball and it's close, c'mon now there is no better first 5K for me to do. Except its 7 weeks away and I would barely be finishing Couchto5K and I've never ran 3.2 miles straight in my life, and it sounds like it's competitive, and what if no one walks, and what if i have to stop and what if I finish last? Yeah, that's a lot of 'what ifs'. And that's what I'm afraid of but I think I'm going to try. To get the cheapest registration cost, I'd have to sign up by this weekend. We'll see how that goes. I'm also not telling anybody that I'm trying to do it. Partially because I'm embarrassed I'll fail and partially because I think they'll discourage me from trying. So I probably will not say anything until the week before, or maybe the day of--Which happens to be 15 days before my 21st Birthday.

And that's the second goal, that was also the same goal I  had for my birthday last year. I want to weight 185. It's possible but it is really going to take a lot of hard work and even more discipline. But I really think it will make a huge difference. I'll look better (hopefully) and I'll definitely feel better. I can do this. I haven't worked as hard as I can for something in a really long time. I want to prove to myself that I can. I have a list of things that I want to accomplish this year, and this is where I start.

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